I Want Home
by Snape0Crepe
Summary: RATING: TEEN FOR LANGUAGE AND SUGGESTIVE CONTENT. Sometimes, saving the world can take its toll. A story about life, love and wanting what the heart knows best: home.
1. Seeker, Cara

It was a hot day an d they were walking through the forest. The seeker was a angyr. "What's wrong, Richard?" said his companion, the flowing angel in the white dress.

The seeker sighed, oh it's nothing Kahlan. It's just a bit preoccipised with thoughts of home."

"You misse your home?" sad Kahlan, patting him on the back?"

"Yes. I miss it very much. I wish I could go back hom.e" Richard started to cry, so Kahlan kissed im. The hold man in the background startied to cry tears of joy.

Suddenly, Richard stopped kissing Kahlan. He looked over her shoulder, and she turned around, "What's wrong? " she said in a nervous voice.

"I'm wroreid about Cara," the Seeker said softly. She's been acting strangely lately," he continued.

"Cara?" said Kahlan, "I haven't noticed anything strange. What have you?"

"Uh, I just notied that she's been spaceing out a lot. I'll be talking to her, and she just won't responds. I have to wave my hand in front of her face a couple of times until she says something back."

"Ever considered that that's because she doesn't like you much, Richard?" the Confessor said.

"I know we've never got along," the Seeker started, "but holy crap!-" he cried.

Cara had collapsed to the floor.

"Cara!" seeker" cried "CARA! Are you oka? Kahlan, do something!"

"I – I can't," she said flusteredly, there's nothing I can do"!

"Cara, speak to me," said the wizard in his old and wize voice."Cara, you can't stay under forever."

There was a selicne, wbut then Cara opened her eyes and screamd "THE KEEPER! THE KEEPER! RUN!"

The gang started running instinctively until the Richard yelled, "You guys! We forgot Cara!"  
"Didn't she come with us? Kahlan said, confused, but Richard said, "No, she collapsed! She couldn't walk! We just assmed that she jshould and now ew'eve left her behind!"

They ran back to where they had been, but a harsh shrill scream called them back furrhter. "Help me, please Help me," Cara was saying, and tears werte sreamign down her face.

"ello, Seeker," said a isnistervoice.

It was…the Keeper!


	2. Keeper

"Cara! Kahlan! Old man! Watch out!" the Seker yelled, pulling out his pistol. "This time you've gone to far, Keeper. You've gone _to far_! I'm not gonna take it any more! I'll used it," he threatened, pointing the pistol at the pistachio, "If you think I am lying, then you are stupid, Keeper! You are stupid!"

"Richerd!" Lahlan sobbed, "Don't kill yourself, please! I…"

"You wat, Kahlan? You need me alive or something, too carry out your _evil plan_?" Kahalan laughed bitterly through her tears, "Why do you hate me so much and for no partiuclary reason? Don't be rediculous, Richerd. I love you."

"Bullsh-" Richerd sneered, "But don't you worry you're pretty little head, sexy one. I'm not gonna kill myself. Imma kill _him_," he said, waivng the Pistol wildly in the general direction of the Keeper and his posse. "Hang on," Cara said in a suspicious matter, "I don't remember the Keeper having a Posee…I thought he walked alone…in the forests of death, picking flowers and crushing them too death, or scareing away birds?"

The Keeper laughed Sinisterly, "No, I like too surround myself with a Posse, who love me just as much as I love killings! Ha!" He continued too laugh, despide the Justice League looking at him in a strange manner. "Stop looking at me like that," he said, "I don't like it, you know."

"I don't care what you don't like," the old Man snarled from where he was standing on a medium-sized boulder, "I don't like _you_, Mr. Keeper."

What the Justice League had failed too adress was the Cara was still in the firm grasp of Sir Keeper. "I'll see you in hell, Keeper!" Richerd yelled again, waving the gun. Cara shrieked. "Yah, funny story, Seeker," the Keeper mused, "_I live there anyway._"

While all this had been going on, Kahlan had been trying too formulate a plan. She and the Old Man considered their circumstance, and timed seemed too frieze around them. "Look, old man, here, Richerd is trying too get a clear shot of the Keeper without hitting Cara. Do you think he can do it?"

"Of course not, young woman," the man said, "He's a Seeker, not a Shooter."

"You're a hot dog," Richerd called, "But you better not try too hurt her, Mr. Keeper," he said.

"You think I'm going too listen too you? Ha!" the keeper cried lustfully. "Here's the downlow, Richerd Seeker person. I don't like you. I've never liked you. In fcat, your entire existence annoys me every day. If I had too describe you in world, that word would be _annoying_. You know why? Because you are annoying. Do you know how much better my life would be if you just went away? Do you? No, because you are annoying and stupid. Stop it, Richerd, Stop."

"Hang on…why are you trying too kill Cara instead of me, then?" Richerd asked, and the hold man clapped because Richerd's statement was logical and sensible. "BECAUSE I ENJOY WATCHING YOU SUFFER, RICHERD PERSON," the keeper whispered into Cara's ear.

"Guys…" Kahalsn said suddenly, "I think my water broke…"

"YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT," the Keerper and the Justice League shouted.


	3. Shoshanna

**Previously…**

_"Hang on…why are you trying too kill Cara instead of me, then?" Richerd asked, and the hold man clapped because Richerd's statement was logical and sensible. _

_"BECAUSE I ENJOY WATCHING YOU SUFFER, RICHERD PERSON," the keeper whispered into Cara's ear._

_"Guys…" Kahalsn said suddenly, "I think my water broke…"_

_"YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT," the Keerper and the Justice League shouted._

"I meant this water sac," Kahlan explained, holding up a broken water sac which water was currently dripping out of at a more rapid rate than rainwater off a steeply sloped roof. "It's the only water we have left…what are we going too do?" The Keeper mumbled something about being right next too a riverina and steamboat, but nobody listened. Suddenly…

"She might not be pregnant…but I am," a voice said. Everybody gasped in unison, and turned anti-clockwise too see….a mysterious young woman, who was pregnant. "Whoa…who are you?" Cara said with narrowed eyes, "I haven't seen you before." The mysterious Girl had long, hair the colour of burnished chestnut, like Kahlan's but it was straight instead of wavy, except the ends flipped up and they were slightly lighter than the rest of her hair. "My identity, blonde woman in leather, is irrelevant," the girl said calmly, before turning too Richerd with a charming smile. "Irrelevant…too everyone here except you, Richerd."

Richerd squinted and looked at the girl. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

She looked genuinely hurt; her starry silver eyes misted over with tears and she pouted. "Do you mean too say that you don't remember me, Richerd my love? You don't remember…us?"

"Excuse me," Kachlan raged, "But he is _my_ love, not yours. Who are you? Reveal yourself!"

"Allow me to introduce myslef, Justice League. My name is Lady Shoshanna Morningstar, but they call me Sho. And _you_ are the Mother Confessor, Lachlan Amnell," Sho said too Kahlan with a twinkle in her eyes. "How do you know my name?" Kahlan asked suspiciously. Sho laughed arrogantly and tapped the side of her head. "You have your powers, Confessor, I have mine…"

_A psychic_, I thought, _that could cause some problems in our group dynamic. Oh no. I must turn my thoughts too something else. She's probably listening to this right now. _

"Yes I am…" Sho called, as though she could read my thoughts, because she could read my thoughts.

"Hang on," Richerd said, "Morningstar? You wouldn't happen too know a Lord Morningstar, would you?"

"No, it must be a coincidence," she said sarcasticly, "…okay, he's my father Not a very good one, though. I think I've grown up with some…issues."

"We should get you home, Lady Morningstar. Your not in the right condition too be wandering around in a forest such as this," – he gestured at her blossoming belly – "especially when your father must be weighting anxiously for your most hasty and expedient return."

"My father?" Sho tossed her chestnut hair and laughed wildly, "He doesn't give one hoot about my welfare, Richerd. I can tell by the way he nods. He hates me. Besides, I haven't seen him since was procured into this state," she said, with a meaningful look, at the Seeker. "You honestly don't remember, Richerd my love?"

"No…I don't remember whatever it is that you are attempting too get me to remember, Lady Morningstar. I could swear, too the glorious haze of Kahlan, that I do not know who you are, and have never seen you before, and I don't remember."

"Oh Richerd," Sho said, "They say your a grate Seeker, but your also very stupid. Or perhaps I was in disguise at the time. Tell me, Seeker, does the name Chantelle Raine mean anything too you?"

RThe Seeker's eyes opened wide in realisation. "But…that's the lady I spent a night with at a hotel a few months ago."

"No, Richad,, it was me. I am Chantelle Raine…or rather, I am Shoshanna Morningstar. Do you understand, yet?" she said, pointing at her stomach, "Richerd, too put it as simply as I can, I am you're baby mama."

"I thought your saving yourself for me!" Kahlan sobbed, brandishing a sword in the general direction of the man she loved.

"You mdon't understand, Kahlan," richerd said, "I wasn't…I wasn'ty saving myself for you. I was saving your powers for you. You know we can't consummate our loathe without destroying everything that you can do as Mather Confessor." He hoped that kahlan would see what he meant by this explanation, and a logical woman like her would hopefully and, most usually, accept such an explanation. Richerd had offered it to her in good faith, and he hoped that kahlan would take it. Kahlan was to busy crying about richerd to think logically about the excuse he had given, and had she had the time too consider what he had said, she would not have accepted what he had said. "I don't believe you, Richerd. Your just like all men!" she creid.

This was too be the beginnig of a rift in kahlan and richer'd s relationship, and nobody would ever knew if it would ever be solved. Even the old man could not conjure a speel to make everybody forget about the whole incident.

What are we going to do about Lady Morningstar, old man? Cara asked the old man. In the confusion that was described earlier, she had managed too escape from the keeper's hold, and now the keeper was enjoying a smoke by the fire that the old man had conjured. "We can't just abandon her, Cara," the old man replied thoughtfly, "But clearly, everybody, especially the Mother Convincer, is hihgly distressed by her presents."

"I'm not," the keeper called from where he was sitting by the old man's magical fire. "I don't really give a damn what happens, to bee honest."

"Keeper, why are you still here?" Cara asked, her lips curling in too a disdaneful sneer. She didn't like the keeper, because the keeper kept attempting too kill her, and once, the keeper, succeeded.s

but that is another story

"because I like too see what exciting things happens amongst your puny little justic leage,' the keeper said. "where are my posse? Ugh, did you get rid of them?"

_tbc…._


	4. Old Man

**AN: A bit of character explorattionn in this one! Enjoyyyyyyyyy! xxxxxxxxxx**

_**Previously…**_

"where are my posse? Ugh, did you get rid of them?"

~0O0~

"Got rid of your posse? You didn't have a posse with you when you came up and KIDNAPPED ME," Cara yelled.

"Cara!" The old man called, "I've thought of a problem! What if Lady Morningstar has her baby here ! We don't know how too take care of a babay!"

"Not my problem," cara said. "it's richerd's problem if anything. But mostly hers. Argh. Shut up, old man. I'm trying too talk too the keeper here."

"Oh, your finally coming over too my side, are you Cara?" said the keira.

"NOT!" yelled Cara, "JUST BECAUSE I DTALK TOO YOU DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE YOU. I TALK TOO RICHERD, DON'T I? WELL I DON'T LIKE HIM."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…" said the old man. "You got burned, Richerd!"  
"Hey!" Richerd called from the other sid e of the old man's mystical fire, "I herd that! I thought you liked me, Cara. Lachlan said you liked me."

"No I didn't. I sai d she _didn't_ like you, which is why she keeps _insulting you,_ Richerd."

"Aww, I thought she liked you," the hold man said.

"Old Man, you are senile," Richerd, Kahlan, Cara, Shoshanna, the Keeper and Alison all said at once. "JINX!~"

"LOL" said the Hold man, "now I'm the only one who can talk. I'm going too tell you all about my life," he said.

"Oh yes," he said in a voice that sounded like Kahlan's, "That would be great too hear, old man!" The old man sat down on a mediocre rock that was covered in some moss. Some of the moss proceeded too stick too the back of his robes, because he was old. "I shall proceed too tell you my life story."

_When I was a baby old man, I looked up into my mothere's eyes and gurgled. "Goo!" said I. "Hello, baby old man," said my mother. Then I casted a speel on her, and she set on fire, and sadly, she died. Since then, I have refused too magicly conjure fire. So I had too drink milk from the bosom of another woman, who also had a child at the time. She was like a wet nurse, and I referred too her as my wet nurse when I began too talk. It was my father who taught me too talk. He also taught me too walk, and how too use the loo like a civilized adult. Before then I had been a baby old man. Now I was toddler old man, and I was best friend's with my father, but one day, he died, like kamose. _

_My father and I had been breast fire. Even though I was just a toddler old man, I had a best friend. That friend was my father. One day, however, I saw a shadowy figure in the doorway. I panicked. As a toddler, I was very good at picnicking. Since then, my personality has mellowed. I conjured a fire and threw it at the shadowy figure. Later, inspection of the charred remain's told me that I had killed my father. _

_At three years old, lying in my cot in the orphanage, I dreamed of marrying my wet nurse. Then they told me that I had killed my father. In my rage, I went too the fire station and burned it down. That way, it would be impossible for the firefighters too fight any fire anywhere else. Haha, I was a devious toddler old man. _

_I returned too the orphanage and, in my rage, burned it too the ground. Then I vowed never, ever, ever too conjure fire again. With the money that I found in the charred remains of the orphanage, I went too the local bookshop and bought myself a cookbook. _

_Two years later, I had learned how too make toast, but not French toast, only normal toast. I made the toast by conjuring a small fire and holding the bread over it. For the next eighteen years, I ate only toast. And there was never anything on the toast. By this time, I was twenty-three years old, and had eaten nothing but toast for eighteen years. This was strange, because I was, in fact, a world-class sous chef at the greatest restaurant in my small town. It was also the only restaurant, and I myself was surprised that they knew what a sous chef was. No, I lie, I was not a sous chef. I had _been_ a sous chef, but at twenty years old I resigned and joined the firefighting forces. I was as surprised as the next person that they permitted me too join, considering my childhood affinity for the great, burning flame. _

"This is so stupid," thought the Keeper, "I wish I could kill him, but if I do, there won't be anyone too lift the jinx. I shall remain silent until he unjinxes us…and then we'll have old man soup for dinner."

_Now, I was a fireman. Some people thought that I was a firewoman, because I had long blonde hair. But in reality, I was a young old man. I knew this, but they didn't. many men tried too pick me up and take me out for a good time. I didn't mind. _

_I was the best firefighter in my town. I was also the only firefighter in the town, which meant that I had a monopoly on the town's firefighting industry. This meant, because I liked fire, that I could choose not too put out any fires. This allowed me too indulge my love of fire without magically conjuring any myself. I had found a loophole!_

_When I was twenty-three and a half, I took a two-week vacation too a small island. There, I had one of the most amazing experience's of my life. It changed me as a person. I would never be the same. I ate a watermelon. From this time on, I decided too refer too myself as The Watermelon. Unfortunately, everybody I met refused too do the same. Too them, I was still the Young old man. Two weeks later I returned too my job at the fire station. This job did not entail me doing anything. It was wonderful. However, I grew bored. I had sworn to myself that I would never conjure a magical fire again. It was at this time that I bought my first goose. I called my goose Tinkles and raised him like he was my own son. Four years later, Tinkles died. I entered a mourning period that no person could drag me out of. No person other than Goopy. Goopy ran a nightclub on the other side of town. There were fire machines in the club, and I offered my services as a conjurer of fire. However, goopy did not accept. In my rage, I burned Goopy, but only one side of his face. From then on, he wore a mask, and tended to frequent the small theatre in our town. Next I heard, Goopy was a murderer. I was not surprised. I myself had been a murderer since I was a baby...old...man..._

At this point, the old man fell asleep, because he had been talking for so long. Cara, richerd, the keeper, shoshanna and Kahlan silently looked quizzicly at each other.

"That was the worst story I have ever heard," Cara thought, "It's worse than when he told us about his goose herd once..."

**_TBC..._**

**AN: ooh, what will happen? will they evver get out of the jinx? maybe they'll never speak again! will the old man ever finish telling his storyy? will he even wake up? I reallyy enjoyed giving the old mann a back storyy...it really fleshess him out as a characterrr! hope you enjoyed! Review please? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	5. Passing Notes

**AN: Sorry there hasn't been much action latelyy! I just really wanted 2 develop the backstory and now maybe there'll be some action soonnnnn…hint hintt!**

_**Previously, in **__**I Want Home**__**:**_

_"Old Man, you are senile," Richerd, Kahlan, Cara, Shoshanna, the Keeper and Alison all said at once. "JINX!~"_

_"LOL" said the Hold man, "now I'm the only one who can talk. I'm going too tell you all about my life," he said._

…

_"This is so stupid," thought the Keeper, "I wish I could kill him, but if I do, there won't be anyone too lift the jinx. I shall remain silent until he unjinxes us…and then we'll have old man soup for dinner."_

_Will the Justice League and the Keeper ever be able too talk again?_

~ooo~

Kahlan sifted in her dress pocket until she found a piece of paper and a stub of a pencil. She took them out of her pocket. The paper had once been white, but since she had carried it in her pocket for approximately 17 years, it had yellowed slightly. The pencil stub was a stub because it had been mostly used. It needed sharpening.

_**Richerd…what are we going too do?**_ She wrote on the paper. Kahlan past the paper over too richerd, who read it. He wrote on the back**, **_**Looks like we can't talk until old man lifts the jinx. I don't think there's anything we **_**can**_** do… also, I love you, and you look nice in that dress. Just saying. Well. Writing.**_Richerd past the paper back too Kahlan, who read the message and quickly scribbled underneath, _**Richerd, please don't waist my paper. You have your own.**_ She past it back too Richerd, who mouthed 'sorry'. Richerd took out his own piece of paper. It was slightly newer than kahlan's because he had gone too the newsagent only a few months ago. It turned out that richerd had not just one piece of paper in his pocket, but a whole notebook. _**Hey Keeper,**_ he wrote on the paper, _**Do you know how too fix this crisis? **_He past the paper too the Keeper, who nearly threw it on the fire, because he believed that it was extra kindling. However, because it was a mystical fire that the old man had conjured, it did not need kindling, not even firewood. Luckily, he noticed the writing on it, and read the note.

_**No I don't, and I know there's no way that you would even ask me too solve your problems. Usually I create them, not solve them, so what do you want, Richerd?**_The Keeper wrote on the back of the paper.He past the reply too Richerd, who wrote down a single word, and, with tears glistening in his eys, handed the paper back too the Keeper.

_**Home.**_

The Keeper looked really confused at this, and past the paper too Cara too see if she could make sense of it. Cara rolled her eyes, because she remembered how earlier Richerd had been fixated with the idea of going home. She thought about constructing a replica of richerd's home just to placate him, but then realised that she had no idea what richerd's home looked likf=e. In fact, she didn't even know if he had a home.

_I wander if richerd has a home_, Cara thought, _Or if he's been a lonely wonderer all his life. Poor Richerd. I wander what it's like, having no family. Then again, I didn't have much of a family. Perhaps Richerd and I are more similar than I want to admit. _

Shoshanna looked up at Cara and quickly scribbled her a note on a piece of paper. _**Cara, do you love Richerd? You sound like you do. **_Cara's reply was short and furious. _**What! I do not love him! He is so annoying. How could you hear what I was thinking?**_

Sho rolled her eyes and wrote a reply, _**I'm psychic, remember?**_


	6. Second Old Man

**AN: SOrry it's been a few days! I've been sooo busyyyyyyyyy but back too writing fic hahaha!**

_**Previously…**_

_"Old Man, you are senile," Richerd, Kahlan, Cara, Shoshanna, the Keeper and Alison all said at once. "JINX!~"_

_"LOL" said the Hold man, "now I'm the only one who can talk. I'm going too tell you all about my life," he said._

…

_"This is so stupid," thought the Keeper, "I wish I could kill him, but if I do, there won't be anyone too lift the jinx."_

…

_Shoshanna looked up at Cara and quickly scribbled her a note on a piece of paper. __**Cara, do you love Richerd? You sound like you do. **_

_**What! I do not love him! He is so annoying. How could you hear what I was thinking? **__Sho rolled her eyes and wrote a reply, __**I'm psychic, remember?**_

**~OO~**

**~Keeper's POV~**

I was really glad that I do have a few magical tricks up my sleeve. I'd charmed my legs so that I wouldn't feel the ache of strenuous muscle use. We'd been walking for days on end – I don't know where we were going, that infernal Seeker was the one leading the group. I would have asked him our intended destination, but the old man still hadn't lifted the jinx. I hadn't spoken a word for days, nor had Seeker, the mother confessor, cara or Shoshanna. The only blessing was that I was temporarily spared from the shrill discord of Lady Morningstar's voice.

After four days of walking through the barren landscape that I had so lovingly destroyed many years ago, we came across another old man. Not the same one who had jinxed us, but a different one. He did not look magical. He wore a robe with a strange hat that had three corners on the hat.

**~End Keeper's POV~**

"Who are you, and what are you doing on my land?" the second old man rasped. He had a raspy voice, as though he had repeatedly rubbed his vocal cords against a very rough piece of rock. Everybody winced at the thought of doing so too their own vocal cords. Nobody fancied it, except the Keeper, who was impervious too pain and also always willing too try something new, and he thought his voice could use a bit more of an edge.

Nobody answered the second old man, so he pulled out a sword and held it up too Richer'ds throught, because Richerd was the person at the head of the party. "Speak! I command you! Speak, or your leader will die. What are you doing here?" Richerd tried gesturing frantically that he was not allowed too speak under the rules of the jinx. Kalan started too nudge the Old Man violently, because he was the only noe in the group who could speak, and they all hoped that he would either lift the jinx or at least explain the situation too the second old man. The Old Man kept quiet and chuckled too himself. Cara rummaged in her pocket and found another piece of paper. She hurriedly scribbled a note and past it too the second old man, just before he killed Richerd with the sword.

_**Second old man, please don't kill Richerd! He, nor anybody else, has spoken, because we are under the affects of a jinx, and cannot speak until the jinx is lifted.**_

The second old man looked up at Cara and pointed the sword at her, "Who has placed this jinx on you?" Cara pointed at the Old Man, who shrugged sheepishly.

"So lift it!" The second old man said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No!" the old man replied, "They never listen too me, they always talk over me, blah blah blah blah, but now they have too keep quite and I shall talk! I've never been happier…"

"If you don't lift the jinx" the second old man threatened, pointing the sword at the old man, "I will kill your whole party…and then I will kill you."

**AN: Leaving it on a cliffhangerrr? I'm soo cruelll! Dun dun dunnnnnnnn. O and sorryyy itsss so short. I feel a bit bad lol **


	7. Morningstar

**AN: Yup, yet anotherrrr chapter and soo sooon! I loveee this fic, it's likee my babyyyy xxxxx Hope you likee it tooooooooooo! Xxxxxxx Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!**

"Brr, It's dam cold – but what's new," Lord Edward Stark of Bean said, looking out the window across the kingdom. "Iora! Fetch me another coat, man. I'm freezing here." His valet scurried off too the wardrobe too fetch another coat for his lord, who was already wearing three. "Here you are, Ser Bean," he said with a bow. What Lord Bean did not know was that his young Valet Iora hated him with a burning passion, due too the fact that Lord Bean never truly appreciated Iora for all the fork that Iora did for him. Iora had become bitter over the 8 years that he had been serving Lord Bean. He believed he was the best Valet too ever exist, but Lord Bean did not agree. Mostly because Lor bean had once had another valet who he loved more, and eventually married, the valet became known as Katelyin, and they loved each other dearly, and she was his wife. For this reason, Lord Ser Bean did not consider Iora too be the best valet ever, and this made Iora sa. "Ahem," Iora coghed, "Your coat, Ser Bean?"

"Thank you,z" Edward says without looking back at his valet, who now had too put Ser Bean's arms through the coat, whitch was difficult, because he was already bulkey from wearing four coats already. Ser Edward Bean did not help Iora put the coat on. He was too busy surveying the kingdom.

"Is it ever going too stop snowing, Iora? It has been winter for too long, too long. 'Tis most unnatural, even for here. Oh, for a burst of sunlight! It would do an old man like me some good, you know. I long for the day when winter reatreats too his icy lair, and allows the fresh blooms of spring too pervade once more across the kingdom…my children…they've never seen spring, you know. All their lives…winter…tell me…have you ever seen a spring, Iora? I'm sure you are too youg…yes, far too young too have seen a spring. Iora?" he said, but his valet had already left the room. "Dam," Ed whispered, "I would bet every wolf in this kingdom and a large sum of money that this is Ser Jorah's doing. He's trying too turn my valets against me, I know it."

_**Far across the kingdom…**_

"Thou believeest that because thou art mine brother…thou canst tell me what too do, Vince?" Danielle shouted across the room. "Leave! Leave this chamber immediately! Thou hast no Wright too treat me as though I be nothing more than a pawn in thine ridiculous games and fancies."

"Dearest, Dearest Sister," Vince said slimily, "I hath only thine best interests at heart, believe me."

"Mune best interests!" Danielle spluttered, "Brother, with _no_ respect, for thou art nothing but a scurrilous _pig_, thou hast never known me well enough too know what mine best interests be! Do not question me, Brother. Thou art nothing, and I be the wife of the Great Kall. I possess a power far beyond thine, and I could have thine head removed with a click of mine fingers. Thine slimy threats will only land thee in more trouble than thou would ever have wished for. Now tell me…where be our sister?"

"Oh my lady, Danielle, sweet," Vince implored, "I be as concerned as thee for the welfare of our dearest sister…I worry…even Sansa worries, and we all know how he usually dislikes her. It be my believe that she will return home within the hour, and then thou and I alike will no longer be obliged too fear for her safety."

"Obliged?" Danielle spat, "This is no obligation that compels me too worry for Chantelle. I love her. She is my – our – sister, and I consider her far more part of my family than I ever shall feel about you, Vince. She is there for me, when thou art not. Thou hast _neveri been there for me._ Do not pretend that thou carest as much for Chantelle as I do. Thou dost not care one jot! In fact, I would go so far as too say that thou art _happy_ she is missing!"

_**Even further across the kingdom…**_

"Tell me why I should not kill the lot of you right now!" the second old man said, Swingnign the sword wildly between Cara, the old man, Richrd, Kahlan and me, and Lady Morningstar. His voice was still as rough as sandpaper, and I thought that I would offer him a loznenge if I had one on me. I quickly searched my pockets, but I hard run out of lozenges. "I'll kill you all!" he threatened again. I wanted too say something, but no words could come out of my mouth. I silently cursed the jinx, and made a mental note that when I was the grand and undisputed Ruller of this land, I would abolish the jinx, and make it a crime punishable by death. That is, if I ever managed too speak again…

"Well," the Old Man said Slowly, "It would be most unproductive too kill young Richerd yere, because he is fare more USEFUL too you than he is an irriitation."

"Prove it," the Second Old MAN said, pointing the sword at Richrd, "PRVE IT!" he screamed and his voice was eerily and unnaturally loud, and Kahlan and Cara jumped because he had actually screamed right into their ears. Richrd looked wildly around and saw that the Second Old Man looked uncomfortable from standing up for so long, so he quickly ran offf and picked up a big boulder, and brought it back, gesturing for the Second olman too sit down, after whitch he looked more comfortable.

"Okay," he said, "I believe you, this young man is, indeed, useful…for fetching rocks."

"Awwwwww, yeah," said the Old Man, "I told you he would be more USEFUL than detrimentaol too your general sate of mind."

"You are correct," the other man answhered, "And I would go as far as too say that he must be far more annoying when he has his voice available too him." I raised my hand in agreement and nodded, remembing the time I referred tooRicherd constantly as being annoying, because he is. "So can you lift the jinx now?" the second old man asked irritatedly.

"I don't want toooooooo," the Old Man cried, and tears slipped down his wrinkled face, "This is the first time they've actually ever listened too me." Kahlan raised her eyebrows and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She opened 'Notes' and typed up a message, than past the phone too the Old Man too read.

_**Actually, Old Man, we haven't even listened too you the whole time we've been jinxed. I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything of your life story, except your love of fire.**_

The Old Man frowned at this note and said, "Aww, Kahlan, that isn't very nice of you. I just wanted too give you guys something more interesting too hear about than the life story of the Pregnant One over there," he said, pointing too Lady Morningstart. "Actually," the Second Old Man said, "Judging by her high-class, expensive yet tattered clothes and pained expression, as well as the absence of a ring on her finger, suggesting that she is with child, yet unmarried, I would say that this lady has a far more interesting story too tell than any old man, even me, and I must admit that I have a very interesting story that perhaps I will tell all of you at a later date." Lady Morningstar nodded wuickly in agreement with the stranger's statement. "So perhaps you should lift the curse, so that we can hear this young woman's story. I must say, I'm positively fascinated. What is a woman like her doing in the middle of the countryside with this band of Ruffians?"

I objected strongly too this, because I was the lord of the Underworld, not a simple Ruffian like Richerd, Kahlan, Cara nd the Old Man. If I had too guess, I would say that Lady Morningstar was most definitely not a Ruffian.. I would have said something to the second Old Man disputing his statement that I was a Ruffian, but I couldn't. For this, I mentally cursed the Old Man and renewed my vows too take revenge for his stupid act of jinxing. "Old man, I hate you," I said, and he glared at me unhappily, but this did not faze me,because he could not influence my emotions and iliicit pity in me just by pulling a sad face.

"IPersonally, Old Man, I agree with the Keeper in some respcts. I would not go so far as too say _hate_," Kahlan said tactfly, "BUt I deeply dislike and resent your decision too keep us mute for so long."

"Yeah," Lady Mornisintstar agreed, "My vocal cords need a serious workout after being unused for so long. So I guess it's time too tell you my life story, right?"

"I don't really want too hear—" the hold man startied, but Lady Morninstar pressed on.

"I don't care what you think, Old mna. Everyone else here wants too here my story, right?" We all nodded in agreement, but I didn't really care, and mostly nodded because I was actually falling asleep and it was becoming harder and harder too keep my head up. Lady Mourningstar sat down on a nearby rock and began her story.

"_I am one of three children: Vincent, my elder brother, and Danielle, my younger sister. We haile from the kingdom of Easteros, only a few leagues beyond the Midlands, where we seem too be now. Our family has never been close, in fact, Vince once told me that our father would have hated Dany and I if he had lived long enough too know us. Only Dany and I where close; she is my best friend. Vince is…we try too overlook his shortcomings, but he has never been a good man. Our mother died when Danielle was born, and our father was so stricken with grief that he took his own life, only days after Dany's birth. We where orphaned, the three of us –"_

"Ahem, Lady Morningstar? I'm sorry too tell you this, really, really sorry, but I don't really care about your life story, and Idon't thinkt hat anyone else here does either, except, perhaps, the Second Old man, because he seems fixated on learning about you, whitch I actually find rather creepy. Either way," I said boredly, "I don't want too hear another orphan story. Richrd already bored me too death – literally – with his sob story of how he's an orphan. And he's lying, by the way."

"What!" Richerd cried, "How can you say that? I would never lie about my parents' brutal death. You should know more than anyone that I am an orphan. You killed my father!"

"Actually," I said, "I am your father, whitch I have old you before, and you never listen. Liook, Richerd. I hate you, and You hate me, but there's nothing we can do about the fact that I am, biologicly, your father. You're adopted, by the way, in case you hadn't realised."

"How dare you say such things, Richerd said, but he knew it too be true. "My father was a good man. How dare you!"

"Please be quiet," Shoshanna said, "There are more important things."

"What could possibly be more important than this!" Richrd yelled, "He is an evil man!"

"Well for one, Kevin Bacon," Lady Morningstare said with a pained voice, "I think I'm about too give birth, whitch should probably take priority over any of your silly little spats right now. Arrrghhhhhh!" she screamed, clutching her belly and twisting her face in pain.

"Does anyone know how too deliver babies?" Cara yelled franticly, "Anybody?"

~ooo~

**AN: Gasp! Whatt will hapenn? If anyonee has any ideasss, don't be shy to suggest them in a REVIEW, hint hint! xxxxxxxx**


	8. Richard

**~Seeker's POV~**

"I don't know how too deliver babies," I said, "I've never had any experience in that area."

"Somebody help me!" Lady Morningstar screamed.

Cara looked around wildly, "Here, lie down on this patch of grass," she said, "It's the softest thing I can see. You should be okay."

Lady Morningstar was about too lie down when the second old man yelled, "NO! Not there – it may look soft but it's full of poison ivy. The lady would be much better too lie here, on this large rock. It's flat and free of moss."

"Okay," Cara said.

"Old Men," I said too both of them, "Do either of you know how too deliver a baby? Any experience in this field?"

"No," said the Second Old Man, shaking his head, "Sorry."

"I do," said the Old Man, but nobody listened too him.

"Kahlan," Cara said, "Your experienced in lots of things about things – surely you know how too deliver a baby?"

Kahlan shook her head and gripped Lady morningstar's hand. The Lady was crying, lying on the rock and crying for help. "The baby…the baby is coming," she panted.

"Where's Kevin?" Kahlan yelled, "Get over here! Your the only one who can deal with this situation!"

I put a gentle hand on her shoulder and said, "There's nobody here called Kevin, Kahlan, I'm sorry."

"Oi, hurry up already, would you?" the baby said, "I'm being born!"

"Wtttfffffffff," I said, "Did the baby talk already? No, wait, I don't want too know, that's just…gross. I'm going too sit over here until all the slimy bits are over."

"But Richerd," Shoshanna panted, "It's…it's your baby too."

Kahlan turned her head away too wipe a tear out of her eye.

I was being faced with one of the most heart-wrenching decisions of my life too date. My love, or my child? "I…Shoshanna," I croaked, "I'm sorry, but…I can't…I can't. I'm the Seeker. I'll never bee a good father too a child, no matter whose it is," with a pointed look at Kahlan, "I don't have it in me."

Shoshanna nodded painfully.

"I'm sorry, my Lady. I'll do whatever I can too help, but I can't…I can't settle down with you and the baby."

"IT'S TWINS!" Cara yelled, and I couldn't tell if she was happy or annoyed by this. "Push, Sho, push!"

"They're so beautiful," Lady Morningstar said five minutes later, "My babies. One boy, and one girl."

"What will you call them, my lady?" said the Old Man.

"Uh," she said, thinking for a while, "I think I'm going too call them Cara and Richard…after the two of you, who've helped me so much," she smiled, "Thank you, really. I owe you so much."

I smiled back, and so did Cara. Kahlan looked grumpy, so I brushed her hair out of her face and nuzzled her ear.

"Your going too raise them on your own?" I asked.

Lady Morningstar looked at me as though I was stupid. "Of course…it is possible, you know. I don't need a husband…not that I was suggesting anything earlier."

"But where are you going too live?"

"I…I can't go back home, can I, Richerd? My Father will kill me…I'll have too find somewhere else too stay."

"Don't you worry about that," Said a voice from behind me, "I will take care of everything." The Second Old Man was pointing at his large house over the hill, "There's more than enough room for the three of you too stay with me. Your more than welcome too stay for as long as you need too. If you want too, that is."

Lady Morningstar's eyes brimmed with tears, "Thank you," she said, "That's the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me."

**AN: Sorry this issss so shortt! I'll try too writee a longer chaptterr next time. You know what would inspire me? ;) Reviews, haha. xx**


	9. Babies

**I Want Home **

**Chapter 9**

"So, you're going to be okay, Lady Morningstar?" Cara asked sweetly and, for once, without venom, "Are you sure that you want to stay here?"

The lady beamed, "Oh my dear Cara, I can think of nothing I would like more. This old man has given me a bigger, more precious gift than ever I could have imagined…and he will be a wonderful father to my beautiful twins, Cara and Kevin."

"Hang on," the Seeker said in puzzlement, "I thought that you were to call the boy Richerd, in honour of all that I have done to assist you, my lady. Dare you renege on our deal and compromise your honour as a gentleman?"

"As it turns out, I prefer the name Kevin. Actually, come to think of it, Richerd _is_ a good, strong name, Lord Seeker—"

"…Please, call me Richerd. You usually do."

"Very well, Lord Seeker. But, as I said, Richerd is a good name. There. It is settled! My lovely children shall be called Richerd and Kevin."

Everybody stared at her blankly.

"The girl baby is Richerd Junior, the boy baby is Kevin," Lady Morningstar said exasperatedly. _Nobody ever understands me_, she thought. The rest of the group nodded quickly in understanding, muttering under their breath about the ingenious names the lady had chosen. If she had let them choose names for her children, who knows what unimaginative names they may have selected. _I would call them Ming and Ding_, the hold man thought. _Fine, strong names for fine, strong babies. I wonder if they can conjure fire the way that I could when I was a baby old man. If they can, I should probably steal them, raise them as my own, encourage their pyrotechnical tendencies_…

"Hold up. Wait one hot doggin' minute," the second old man spoke up, "Here now, what were them there words you said about me being a _father_ to y'all kids?"

Shoeshine Morningbreath turned to him and clasped her hands to her heart, splashing amniotic fluid across the bodice of her dress. "Oh, I simply can't keep it a secret any longer, lest it tear me apart from within! Everybody, I'm afraid that I have something to confess…second old man, _I love you_!"

The second old man grinned widely and opened his arms, pulling Lady Morningstar close to his chest. "Well, that's awesome," he said softly, "That's just awesome, because I love you too, Sho. I loved you from the moment I met you."

"Sweet," Lady Morningstar whispered. They hugged it out.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck is going on?" Lachlan shrieked, "You guys met, like, half an hour ago, and you spent most of it in silence thanks to the senile old man or busy popping out babies!"

"Don't hate us 'cause you ain't us," the second old man said serenely, snuggling Shoshanna's hair with his nose, "You only wish you had what we have: swag."

"Excuse me? I have Richerd," Lachlan said confidently, "_And_ I've known him for longer than the time it takes to microwave a pizza pocket."

"Dude," Cara interjected, "Pizza pockets heat up in, like, three minutes."

"Shut up," Kahlan hissed, "My microwave is really old. You know what? It doesn't matter. I don't _know_ either of you. You can just go and live your weird lives together having known each other for less than the lifespan of one of those flies that only lives for a day. See if I care. Just don't expect Richerd to pay child support for your devil spawn, _bitch_."

"I…I was going to support Richerd Junior and Kevin in some way, Kevin," Richerd Senior said softly, "I'd feel rather guilty if I didn't."

"No, you're not," Kahlan said, pulling him close to her, "You'll be spending your hard-sought money on other more important things…like our own children, if you know what I mean."

Richerd's eyes widened. "No…you're not…?"

"Pregnant? Me, pregnant?" Kahlan scoffed, "Yeah, sure I am Richerd, and I just up and slept with you and lost my powers and haven't mentioned it since, and you don't remember a moment of it, and of _course_ I'm pregnant."

"Really?" he whispered.

"No, idiot," she snarled, "As if I would give up my powers that easily. Jeez, more like _Stupid_, am I right? You're not the Seeker; you're just the Stupid. Besides, my sweet love, you know what our union could mean for the world. Or, rather, you don't. We don't know what kind of chaos and terror we could unleash if we forgot ourselves, even for a moment…let ourselves get carried away…who knows what would happen?"

Richerd raised an eyebrow and smirked, "You wanna go find out?"

_Five minutes later…_

"I can't believe you guys almost had sex," Cara said, double-checking Kahlan's bonds. "I am not untying either of you until you get over this stupid phase of yours. You think you can just go around boinking whoever you want, Kahlan? Could you_ be_ more selfish? We could die, just because you wanted to bump uglies with Richerd."

"Hey!" Richerd yelled from across the clearing where he was bound to another tree, "Say what you will about me, but my junk is anything but ugly!"

"Oh god, Richerd," the old man moaned, "Nobody wants to hear about your junk! Say, where did our newest pair of lovebirds go?"

Everybody turned to see that Shoshanna and the second old man had disappeared, along with the babies. "Eh," the Keeper said, "They must have gone to make their new house a home or some sentimental shit like that. God, I hate romance."

Cara narrowed her eyes. "Keeper? What are you still doing here? You could have left, any time during all this…well, whatever _this_ was. What do you want from us?"

"Oh, Cara, Cara, Cara," the Keeper laughed handsomely, "You don't know me at all, do you?"

"Are you going to tell me that you've changed and that witnessing the miracle of birth has made you reconsider your evil and immoral ways?"

"Aw hell no," the satanic overlord replied, "I still want to kill all of you. Heads up, bitches! Or should I say…heads _off_?"


	10. Fire in the Hold!

**I Want Home**

**Chapter 10**

Previously, on _I Want Home_:

_"Are you going to tell me that you've changed and that witnessing the miracle of birth has_

_made you reconsider your evil and immoral ways?"_

_"Aw hell no," the satanic overlord replied, "I still want to kill all of you. Heads up, bitches!_

_Or should I say…heads off?"_

~*•L.o.t.S•*•S.t.o.L•*~

Everybody yelled loudly. "Keeper! You can't kill us, not now!" the hold man cried.

"Why shouldn't I?" Satan replied, "As if you get to die on your own schedule!"

Zod whined, "But I haven't finished telling my life story yet! I can't die. I'm too young to die. But most importantly I haven't finished telling my life story and the story is really important for everyone to listen to."

The entire group laughed. "Gee, old people say the darnedest things," Cara observed with a wink at the audience.

"Can't I at least finish telling my life story? It's very important to me, you know."

"No," the Keeper said firmly, "because that was the worst thing I have ever heard,and nobody should be subjected to hearing any of that shit, ever." He crossed his arms and conjured huge, pulsing swords in both of his hands. "So it's time to die. All of you."

Cara knew it was time to have a telepathic conversation. **Richerd, listen to me**. She trained her thoughts in Richerd's general direction.

The Seeker suddenly felt an insistent nudging at the outskirts of his brain. He remembered nudging Kahlan like that once, but it wasn't her brain that he had been nudging...and not his own thoughts that he had been nudging with. He chuckled to himself. But this didn't feel like Kahlan at all...**Cara? Is that...is that you? What are you doing inside my mind?**

**Sometimes, I'm psychic. We can talk about it later. Pay attention, Richerd. I'm going to untie you and Kahlan from the trees so you can help us fight against the Keeper, but I don't want any funny business, okay? No having sex with the Mother Confessor or I will literally castrate you. If she loses her powers because the two of you can't keep it in your pants, we'll all be screwed. Really. Your screwing around and screwing the Mother Confessor will result in the rest of us being screwed too. Got it?**

**Sort of...so why are you telling me this?**

But Cara didn't reply. Instead, she pulled put her sword and screamed, "Keeper, you can have the Seeker, but you can never have me! If I give you Richerd, you will promise to forever leave us alone!"

**Noooo**, Richerd thought, **she's betraying me**! _I always knew she sucked_, he thought privately to himself (not broadcasting his thoughts to anybody else), _but I guess I didn't realise just how much Cara sucked!_

**I told you not to talk about it**, Richerd, Cara told him telepathically.

Richerd finally realised that it was only a plot to distract the Keeper! Cara rushed over to Richerd's tree and cut him free. He leapt to the ground brandishing his own nun chucks and ran screaming over to the Keeper.

"You can never take us alive, you sadistic asshole!" he shrieked.

"Now Richerd, that's no way to speak to your father," the Keeper drawled, spinning his swords in his hands to intimidate his opponent.

"Oh, uh, sorry," the Seeker mumbled, "I guess I forgot. About the whole dad thing. How could that have slipped my mind?"

"No shit. You're a seeker, not a rememberer."

"Nice one," the Seeker said, "Gimme five." He and the Keeper high-fived.

SUDDENLY WE STARTED MOSHING TO HELENA (NOT MY SONG) AND OMFS IT WASN'T THE KEEPER IT WAS VLODEMORT AND DA DEATH DEALERS.

"Wat," said Richerd, "Who are you guys?"

"A SUPER MEGA FOXY AWESOME HOT BAND OF SEXAHNESS SO WE CAN HAVE SEX YEEEAAAAHHHHHH!" The Death DeLoreans shrieked. "WITH EACH OTHER, YO! RESPECTTTTTT! We have metal band orgies. It's hardcore. Get it? Hard? Core? Check it!" They did some gang signs. The Justice League got really confused because they thought the Death Dealers did not live in this world any more. (But that's a different story.)

"That's disgusting. I don't want to know. I don't think any of us want to know, actually. Can you get away from here," Richerd said, "We're trying to have a fight at the moment, very important stuff."

VLODEMORT blushed. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "That wasn't very hardcore of us. Sorry, man. We'll split."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," the Keeper said with a boyish grin, and VLODEMORT and da Death Dealers ran away into the woods. "Now son, can we get back to this pesky little business of you being an absolute douche canoe?" He brandished his swords and Richerd cowered like a small boy child. The Seeker whipped his nunchukas back and forth and one struck the Keeper in the head. The laceration was severe.

"OW! That hurt!" The Keeper screamed, "I'm going to get you for that, Richerd Cypher Keeper!" With one clean slice, he cut Richerd's left arm off.

Richerd was feeling completely lost._ I don't know what to do_, he thought desperately, _I'm going to die at the hands of my far more competent father. I am failure._

He thought of his mother.

He cried.

He shrieked in surprise as a ball of fire flew past his head, narrowly missing the boyish curls of his brown hair. "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"It was me!" the hold man sang cheerfully, conjuring another flaming ball of fire in his hands. "I'm helping! With fire!"

"I thought you'd sworn multiple times that you wouldn't conjure fire ever again," Kahlan said from where she was trying to analyse the Keeper's strengths and weaknesses.

"Fine, I guess you don't want my help!" the hold man pouted. "You'll just have to kill the Keeper by yourself. Goodbye!"

Everybody yelled because even though they hated the hold man, they did need his help to defeat the Keeper once and for all. For Fire is the Keeper's only weakness (they assumed). "Fine," Seeker grumbled, "You can stay. We need you to defeat the Keeper with your inner fire. Can you do that?"

"Yes, but in return, you have to listen to more of my life story when the Keeper is dead," the hold man said gleefully. Everybody groaned except for the Keeper, who laughed manically.

"HAH!" he laughed when he had finally finished laughing, "Then I am the true winner, for I don't have to listen to any more of that crap!" He brandished his swords again and set forwards towards Richerd, but the hold man conjured a gigantic fireball and sent it spiralling towards the Keeper.

Time seemed to slow to a fraction of its normal pace. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" the Keeper said really slowly, watching the fireball approach his face. He erupted in an explosion of flame. The explosion of flame was both explosive and fiery. The hold man looked on approvingly. _I love fire_, he thought happily.

"Yay!" everybody said happily, because the Keeper had just been reduced to a pile of ashes. "The Keeper is dead!" They danced around the Keeper's ashes and played in them like children in snow.

_Then..._

**Oh no,** Richerd, Cara and Kahlan thought as one, **this means we have to listen to the rest of the hold man's life story now**. If they had said it out loud, they could have been jinxed again! But luckily there was not currently a provision regarding mental jinxing. (Yet...but that's another story.)

"Gather round, children," the man in question said, happier than they'd ever seen him, "and I shall continue."

"This is gonna suck so hard," Richerd meowed.

"Quite!" the hold man roared, "You agreed that in exchange for my help and glorious balls of fire in defeating the Keeper, I would tell you some more of my life story."

"Only some?" Kahlan groaned, "I mean, that's good. We shouldn't have to listen to the whole thing. Mostly because its hellishly boring, you senile dunderhead."

"It is a very long story, verily," the hold man nodded, "and cannot be told all at once. So I shall begin—"

"OH MY GOD HOLD MAN NO YOU CAN'T TELL THE REST OF YOUR STORY YET," Kahlan screamed suddenly. Her face became frozen. "I just remembered...the Keeper cut Richerd's left arm off. We have to find it and reattach it before it runs off to join the Mord'Seth Legions! Who knows what damage a dismembered Seeker Arm could do in the wrong..._hands_."

"Can anyone see my arm?" Richerd said curiously. They went around searching for his arm. Even the Hold Man helped, although he was upset that his storytelling was once again delayed. He searched under all of the nearby rocks for the arm and lit fires to help illuminate the area in the growing darkness.

"Oh there it is," Kahlan said, pointing at the arm. It was sitting on a low-hanging branch. "It was just here the whole time, sitting on this low-hanging branch." She picked the arm up and brought it over to Richerd. "Does anybody have any glue? We need to cauterise this wound as quickly as we can."

"I can do that," the hold man said.

"Shut up, hold man, we're busy," Carla snapped.

"No really, my fire can cauterise the wound, stop the bleeding."

Everybody sighed. "What's your price, hold man?" Kahlan asked.

The hold man seemed to um- and ah- for a minute. He stroked his chin. He tapped his fingers against his knee. "Let me think..." he deliberated, "oh yes. You all have to listen to the rest of my story."

"_Fine_."

"AND you have to write and submit to me a 1000-word report telling me what you've learned from my life story."

"Can I write 'you suck' five hundred times?" Richerd said. He put on a joking voice but he was actually being completely serious.

"NO!" the hold man screamed, "AND JUST FOR THAT CHEEK, I WILL NOT CAUTERISE YOUR ARM WOUND." In his rage, he threw a fireball at Richerd, who blocked it with the stump of his left arm, which was rapidly cauterised.

"Hey," Richerd said, "that did the trick. Thanks, hold man. Kahlan, get the glue!"

Kahlan got the glue and stuck Richerd's arm back on.

All was well.

Until they remembered that they now had to listen to the rest of the hold man's life story.

"Dammit," Carl muttered.


End file.
